So, Christmas is near, and no matter what is going on in your life, it's a good time to stop, and be grateful for what and who we have in our life.  And of course, for many parents, it is our children.  Some people are too busy rushing, making money, and not home for their children to enjoy them.  I was lucky to be a stay at home mom, and totally enjoyed those days.  So, I am stopping for a few moments each day, coming back to being grateful for life, my children and my family and friends.  I know it sounds so basic, but it really is true. And to enjoy the time we have with our children because they all do grow up, and hopefully they go out into the world and function like adults, marry and have children.  Then they will not be here, in my home like they are now.  And, my children have never been able to just live with  me day after day, being controlled by their Dad who just  wanted custody to hurt me and not pay child support!! I was pretty ill this past week with my neck/migraine pain. And yes, it is from a car accident I had, but I bet the stress of my controlling ex does not help the pain.  The injustice done in court seems to eat away at me, unconsciously, and there will come a day soon that him and everyone involved will have to own up to what they did and be responsible for it.  My children are so damaged by their Dad, but are too young to see it and admit it, and I understand.  To think your father took you away from your mother just for money is sick and disgusting!! And, for the judges to allow it is even worse.  I saw an article in the paper the other day about how great and compassionate judge martonnotti was, I wanted to vomit and write an article back explaining how unfair he treated me and my children. After seeing a court appointed parent coordinator for a year and a half who wrote many letters to judge torak explaining how the children need to be with me, want to be with me, judge martonotti blew it off, basically ignored it, and as my attorney John Urson explained, "He said since he was a new judge, and didnt know the case, he wants you and the children to see another, yes another parent coordinator!!" Who was hand picked by my ex and his attorney.  Of course this was done because Lisa Estrin was supportive of the children being with me, and my ex did not want that.  Boy, did Urson screw me, and I didnt even realize it at the time.
Anyway, my life?? Well, the girls had an argument the other night, crying both of them, tired of everything.  My one daughter pushes everything aside and barely breaks down and deals with it.  Lately, she has been letting the pain out, and it is so so sad.  How can a man fight for custody and never, ever, take them to any appointment they had?? And he never wants to be with them, never even going out to dinner and enjoying their company.  He has damaged them a great deal, and of course it truly breaks my heart.  Now, my ex bought my first daughter a used car, and of course we expected him to do the same for the second. He definitely has the money, if he didn't we would not expect it.  Well, after a year of driving, and him still not dishing out the money, we worked out a way to finance it, but still need the money to pay it off asap because due to my credit, we are getting killed on finance charges.  And he still won't budge giving her the money, and it truly breaks my daughter's heart.  There are trust funds for my three children for college, and anything extra, etc.  and the money could come out of there as well.  Of course I have no idea how to get in control of them because we both do have joint legal custody.  The children have stayed in college locally, due to his control, telling them they could not go anywhere else!! So the money that is being saved is major, and to take a small portion of it for a car is totally understandable and necessary.  How else is she suppose to get to college if she doesn't have her own car?? I see now how disappointed and hurt my children are by their Dad, knowing he doesnt really care about them.  So, how did he get custody then?? He will have to feel all the pain he caused them when he use to drag  them away from me when they were crying to stay with me, because I know what we give out comes back to us, without a doubt.  But, it doesnt even matter if he is suffering, or will suffer, what matters is the emotional health of my children which the judges, attorney's and parent coordinators did not truly care about at all.  Cynthia Johnson, a parent coordinator in Hackensack, New Jersey should not even be allowed to be involved with children and court issues.  She did not even have compassion and understanding to care about my kids, and protect them from the judges, and do what was right for them.  Like I said, she only saw my children once, and when she did, my one daughter came out of her office crying, telling me she made me feel like a fool, mom. My daughter explained. "When I told her I was more bonded with you, she asked me if I knew what the definition of bonding was, of course I do mom, she acted like I was stupid and a fool!!" And she told me that even though I wanted to be with you more, it may not be the right decision.  How would she even know when she would not see me alone, but saw my ex three times alone in therapy!! For what? So my ex could bad mouth me and tell lies about me?? I was the parent in question on being allowed to have joint custody or more parenting time, but she would never see me alone. Didnt she want to talk to me about my parenting and about my feelings toward my children? Why would she see my ex three times and not me? Oh, yeah, and did I mention she cost us $5,000 which I had to pay half of, even though I didnt have a cent because I have been out of work due to a car accident and am still paying child support.  And the appointments my ex had with her I HAD TO PAY HALF OF.  Yeah, and I ask how can they get away with unfairness, and cause my children such pain?? And, Cynthia made me and my ex together when I was trying to get custody again, just last year.  And she allowed him to verbally abuse me, and to tell me, "Your just jealous I remarried!!"  I doubt it, he remarried a women more than 25 years younger than him, a dominican girl my children are embarrassed of !!!  I wish he was happy, he would only be a better father to my children.  And when my ex was explaining how he let my children read the texts I sent him about being nasty, selfish and unhappy, Cynthia said nothing to him about not doing that do the children. I even said to Cynthia, your not even going to tell him how wrong it is to get them involved? She looked at me and said nothing. And, she is suppose to be a professional but treated me with a great deal of ruddness and disrespect, and gave me attitude!!  She doesn't deserve any respect, and should never be used in any court situation.
Anyway, whats the answer? The answer to move on and be happy?? To find an attorney that will help me is what I am going to do next.  To go back to court with an attorney, not alone, and have justice maybe served this time.  Or go to the press and tell my story which is always in the back of my mind.  I have had friends and family that have even told me to go to the news like 10 10 wins, etc.  But, I still worry about how that will affect the children.  Anyway, enough for now, we'll see what the day will bring. I know I will get through all of this happier and stronger than I ever was, and my children need me more than they will ever need him.  He barely works, lays in bed and sleeps all day, and I won't even mention the other things he does just to get by. He is definitely missing out on life more than I am, and totally missing so much precious time with the wonderful children we have. At least I have that.