So, where do I start? With today, its a good day, Sunday.  I dont want to go backwards but sometimes we have to.  I was divorced 7 years ago, lost custody of my three children, they were allowed to see me every other day, Mon, Wed, and Fridays, every other weekend. The bad thing was, they couldnt sleep at my home when they were with me on Mondays and Wednesdays, they had to leave around 8:00, My kids were 9, 11 and 12.  But for a year before that we were separated and my ex took them 3,4 days in a row, then I had them 3,4 days.   He was always working till 8pm, and never thought this would happen.  And I was a stay at home mom who barely left the children I couldnt wait to have.  So, when they came to my home they had missed me so much they did not want to leave me.  It was terrible, sad, and devastating for all of us.  My children and I were treated very unfairly in the divorce, and it was obvious no one cared about the pain they were going through, having to leave their mom who didnt work and stayed home to raise them.  My question is how in this day and age could a Court System fail when it comes to families, and what is best for the children. Everyone likes to say they are trying to "do what is best for the children" but not in the Hackensack Courthouse which I have learned is so very corrupt.  My children and I had to see therapists and court appointed "Parent Coordinators" who you would think would do what is best for the children.  But, my children told every single therapist they had to see how much they loved their mother and wanted to be with her more, but no one cared or listened.  Their father was emotionally abusive constantly to me, all the therapists new this, but this did not seem to matter.  That is why we finally divorced, I could not handle the verbal abuse and put downs any longer after years and years of trying to deal with it.  Our parent coordinators, Cynthia Johnson and Lisa Estrin, let my children down big time.  So, if you are going thru a divorce and custody battle I would advise you to stay away from them, unless you are a man, then they are the ones you want to see.  It has taken me years to see the corruptness, which is never ending because I have gone back to court many times to rectify this, to receive at least joint custody and/or more parenting time and the only thing I received by Cynthia Johnson, was the children sleeping over Sunday nights.  Thank God when we divorced my ex did not want the children on his weekends, so they spent every weekend with me. There were so many days my children did not want to leave with their dad, crying and sobbing, and he did not care in the least, even times coming into my home to drag them out of the house.  When they left during the school week, I would cry and cry and ask God to help us out here, but it did not change things.  How could parent coordinators whos job is to BE THERE FOR THE CHILDREN, not care and help my kids and me? And how could judge after judge not care about these children missing their mom, devastated by all of this? Every time our first coordinator, Lisa Estrin suggested to the court to give me one overnight during the school week because it was too hard for them to transit from home to home at night, DYFS would show up at my door for some false reason. But, that would stall the process of me having them overnight. After going thru this for a year, Lisa Estrin after awhile did not return my calls, obviously giving up but didn't admit it, I went back to court for more overnights and joint custody. With a new attorney, John Urson and judge Martonotti, he did not see us in the court room, they went in chambers and my attorney came out telling me I had to go to another parent coordinator hand picked by my ex, Cynthia Johnson. I remember wondering why we did not go in the courtroom and why my attorney just agreed to this, definitely not doing what is best for me.  Whos side was he on? The judge would not allow what Lisa Estrin advised, to let the children sleep over my house, I wonder why. This was all very unfair and I broke down in tears, feeling like a victim, no one to turn to, no one caring about the emotional well being of my children, not even their dad.  Cynthia Johnson was nasty, had attitude and was unfair, and when my children only saw her once, and my son not at all, she would not allow them to tell her how much they wanted to be with me, she actually told them "that is not why you are here, I dont want to talk about that, I want to know how you are doing in school." Well, that was HER JOB, to LISTEN AND HEAR my children, what their needs and wants were. She never asked to see the children more than once, and never even spoke to one of them.  How could she make any decision without talking to them about their loss of not being with their mom? How could she not let them express their longing and saddness and emotional termoil of being taken away from the only parent they had raise them? After it took her an entire year of doing nothing, just her seeing me and my ex a few times, where he sat in her office and she allowed him to still insult me and verbally abuse me, she suggested they could sleep over Sunday nights. And where was my attorney thru all of this?  He ditched me, did not answer one of my calls when I explained what was going on.  What do you think happened behind chambers with my attorney and the Judge? I only wonder.  Thank God, after this my children were growing up and spoke up to their dad and told them they were going to spend school nights with me.  But that took a few years after living the way we had to.  I think this is enough for now, so I will end and start again another time.  If any one out there is going through a custody battle like I did, you are not alone.  The Hackensack Courthouse is very corrupt, as you will be able to see through my battle with trying to just get more time with my children, and joint custody and not succeeding. There needs to be a change, and I would do anything I could to help in this change, and support any woman who has to deal with such pain and saddness in their heart, because it never really does go away, and there is nothing more important in the world, then the happiness and well being of our children.