Hey, so whats going on?? Just found out today my sophmore son is doing really poorly in school, like four classes he may be failing!! What's a mom to do? And he comes here on Mon, Wed, Fri, and goes to his dads on Tue and Thurs, which is crazy, and not very stable. Hard to discipline because his father wont talk to me, and we cannot discipline the same and discuss major issues like this.  I tried talking to him about it, and the answers I get are "I don't know" and finally after I told him to think about it telling him I need answers, he tells me he doesn't care!! Oh great, why doesn't he care? Doesn't he care about himself? His life? His future? He did always say he wants to go to college, and wanted to do a few things, either teach, become a therapist, or even a forensic scientist.   I do remember my daughters having a really hard time their freshman year of High School, not caring about school, not caring about their life either, due to all the problems at home with their Dad and me, and him getting custody of them.  

We did have a big problem with his Dad like a month ago.  He had a huge argument with the girls, and said some really mean things to them, I was outside waiting in the car to go out with them, they came out of the house crying pretty badly.  Johnny was not involved but in the next room listening.  They all were very shaken up by this.  Could this have anything to do with his behavior? Why don't we all realize as parents how all of our behavior affects our children? Even things we say out of anger and do not mean, they remember and do not forget.  Everything seems to affect them heavily.  I have even said some things I did not mean to my oldest daughter years ago, and it still hurts her, no matter how many times I apologize.  It's like we are all so fragile in our years growing up, and I suppose it's worse for the children who grow up in a broken home, because it really is broken to them.  Their family unit, their strength and support is gone, taken away, torn apart.  They have to go back and forth from parent to parent, trying to be loyal to each one, when the parents are bitching and complaining about the other parent.  It is so unfair to them, they should be out having fun with their friends, laughing, enjoying life while they are young. Not feeling insecure, scared, sad, depressed.  And us as parents should realize how fragile they are, and always try to respect the other parent, which is their mother or father forever!!!

Unfortunately, my ex is angry, spiteful and mad, still eight years later.  They know it, he tells them, they feel it.  It makes them really hurt and unhappy in their heart, I know it and they have told me so.  He even tells them he never wants to talk to me again. I never cheated on him, was a good, kind, loving wife.  If we could only get along for the sake of the kids, and talk about issues with the kids, wow, what a difference that would have made for them.  But, for now, my kids are still suffering big time.  They still live with the anger and see it in him.  My oldest wanted to go away to college, should have, but her dad said no, and she listened and didn't get to go.  It would have been the best for her, to get away from all of this negativity, and grow and enjoy her years at college.  She is the oldest and has always felt responsible for her sister and brother.  She tells stories how she use to take them in the other room and hide to get away from our arguing.  She is the mother at his house, does the food shopping, cleaning, drives her siblings everywhere, while her Dad is in bed sleeping.  She feels the stress, and it saddens her.  

I always pray for them, pray for them to be strong, and for God to take care of them.  I even pray for him to be healed, because he so needs it.

Hey, well the holidays come and went, happy new year to all!!! So much goes on, guess I should say it all, but sometimes thats really hard to do, put it all out there.  So, to be safe, I'll just say, my kids have had a rough time into the New Year.  Some arguing going into the New Year, they must have alot of pain in their hearts over the domestic violence they have seen, and need to work it out. I am currently looking into family therapy, they have each done individual a few years ago.  But, they still have pain, and behaviors due to growing up with a domestic violent father, and we need to work all of this out.  My one daughter is very angry at me, feels I choose her sister over her now, and can not let go of past hurts.  My oldest daughter has chosen to live with her father, and it has broken my heart.  She is definitely brainwashed by him, but there is nothing I can do but pray for her.  She doesnt believe anything I tell her about the past, he lies about things that happened, and she believes him.  She tolerates his abuse when he is angry, and feels sorry for him.  She is such a victim, he is so controlling, and a terrible influence on her, and she doesnt even know it.  
I am so tired of the fighting, the negative out there from him, constantly.  He is still always bad mouthing me to the children, cant let go that I didnt want him anymore due to his abuse. He has remarried, you think he would have let go of the anger and moved on? No, he is a really sick, unhealthy man, and I have prayed for years for his healing, and am still waiting.
I pray for my children, they really needed to go away to college to get away from his abuse, but he told them they could not.  Things are so unfair, you feel if you have a good heart, and are kind, giving, and loving, things will be ok. But, it doesnt seem to work this way.  They say all things happen for a reason and makes us stronger, but I surely get sick of hearing this. Especially when you and your children are still suffering, crying, angry, and hurt constantly, due to their parents abuse!!